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February 2012

S M T W T F S
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Feb. 10th, 2012

Dear Livejournal,

I'd like to keep this account.

Stop bitching on me just because my Muse have suddenly decided to not show up for me to write something in here. 

I will be back. Don't ever threaten me again. I don't appreciate it.

Thanks.

Dec. 28th, 2011

Apology to love and time.

A friend once fell in love with a newly graduated police officer. After being both in Manila for a short while, this police officer got designated somewhere south of the country. I told this friend that I usually advice against long distance relationships, but if it’ll make her happy, then I’ll support. Pro-happiness.

They were steady for a while until time and space complicated matters. Short-lived, they eventually broke up. My friend was telling me that things felt so right, but supposed that it was wrong time for it to happen.
So, I asked: is there really such a thing as ‘right love at the wrong time’? Or, at the very least, how should we understand it?

I think that love, in its barest sense, can never be wrong. It is in the extent of how we manifest love that we make it faulty. When you have finally decided to stab a partner just because you’re jealous; when you chose to be the other woman by getting in a romantic relationship with a married man; when you force someone to stay in a relationship when s/he is no longer happy, then I think there’s already something wrong with how you love. In this sense, our decisions betray the truest intent of loving.

Love begets good things: it represents human kindness, compassion and affection. Of course, there are different ways of how we’ll define love – changing trajectories of discussion. Regardless, I’m tempted to say that love is always right. 

The next issue to address is the rightness or wrongness of timing. This, I believe, is easier to determine compared to love. If cars are raging on the street, then you should know that it’s wrong – not to mention, dangerous – to cross. It’s the same with love. It’s human to aspire for companionship, to not be alone. At some point, when you feel that the right person is just standing across the street, the urge to cross the line will grow stronger. This does not mean that you should cross even if the obstacles allow. Oftentimes, it’s safer to stay still. 

So when is the right time to love? You get to answer this; you live within your own context. Hurting others is inevitable, but you have to make sure that you’re hurting them for the right reason. In answering this question, also, I think you need to figure in the equation. I personally believe that it’s a bit unrealistic to assume that others will always take care of you. You also have to assess when’s the right time to risk being hurt. After all the love’s gone, do you still have self-respect to help you move on?

Right love at the wrong time? Yes, I think it happens. And, at times, we get to make the time right to love right. 


P.S. Thanks to TK for making this entry happen.

P.S.S. Forgive, never forget. The heart heals. Amen.

Dec. 6th, 2011

Kadalasan,

ang pagitan ng “oo” at “hindi” ay mas malawak pa sa kalawakan. Exagg dahil hindi mo ‘to maarok. Pilit mo man isipin kung saan hahantong ang pakikipagsapalaran na ito, ang katotohan ay hindi mo malalaman ang sagot hangga’t hindi siya sumasagot – oo o hindi. At ang malungkot na katotohan ay hindi mo malaman ang sagot hangga’t hindi ka magtatanong. Eh, yung totoo: kailan ka naman ba kasi magtatanong?

Torpe ka kasi. Kaunti nalang maniniwala na akong idol mo si Juan Tamad na naghihintay lang malaglag ang bayabas sa bunganga mo. In the meantime, magmumukha ka lang tanga sa pagkakabuka at pangangawit ng iyong pangang umaasa. But more than that, habang hindi pa s’ya nahuhulog sa’yo ay mumultuhin ka ng tanong na “kailan.” Mababaliw ka kakaisip; magiging miserable; tapos mamatay – or not.

Alam mo? Sa’yo rin nakasalalay ang kaligayahan mo. Malay mo naghihintay lang s’ya sa iyo. Siguro natatakot rin s’ya. Pero alam mo? Hindi rin kita masisisi. Paano na nga kaya kung tama ka at mali ako? Wala naman pala talaga. Mabait lang s’ya. Eh, ang lagay, ikaw pala’y isang Assumptionista.

Parte naman daw kasi ng buong proseso ang masaktan. Gets rin naman kita nung sinabi mong “worth it lang naman masaktan kung alam mo na may patutunguhan.” Pero paano mo rin nga naman malalaman kung may patutunguhan? Ewan.

Ang pag-ibig, minsan, ay parang Algebra – mahirap intindihin. (Ay, wait. Sobrang hirap ka palang umintindi ng Algebra.) Pero kapag sinabi sa’yo na find “x,”  eh di go and find “x.” Nahanap mo na ang value n’ya, mabubuo pa ang equation mo. T’yaga lang.

Sa ngayon, sige, magkasya ka nalang sa kakaasa. Panindigan mo yan, ah? Pero tatandaan mo na sinabi ko na sayo na karapatdapat ka rin lumigaya.

Sep. 24th, 2011

forever young?

I look young for my age. And I feel that that's the reason why it’s a bit hard for people to take me seriously. While this can be a compliment, you wouldn’t know how it feels unless you get constantly asked by security guards on your purpose of entering your office building. I get that almost once a month. 

One time, I attended a forum sponsored by a policy think-tank. People thought I was part of the youth consortium. The closest I got to being a legitimate part of the workforce was to be mistaken as an intern. I just don't look legit.

Of course, looking young has its own perks.

Like yesterday, I was at the Asian Institute of Management for a conference. When I asked a question during the open forum, I was referred to as the ‘young fellow.’ After the event, a professor from the National University of Singapore recognized me and said that that was a tough question (possibly, harsh too). That time, I took it as a compliment.

The truth is that I'm in a rush. I want to achieve bigger and better things in life while I'm still young. I just don't want to waste time.

So, please excuse me while I dream big. 

Jul. 22nd, 2011

may kwento ako.

The sun soaked the Oblation statue with its light. Its rays offered a burning caress. The air was dry. Yet this child, barefoot, managed to run fast enough to get a ride. Both shy and imposing, he said “kuya, pasabay po.” This kid is young – perhaps 10 years old; perhaps even older. Clad in oversized clothes with hair wet and skin a tad pale, he clung on the jeepney’s railings as if he’s trying to get himself dry. “Hoy, boy! ‘Wag ka d’yan!” screamed the driver. But instead of alighting, the boy went in and helped himself with a seat. He looked at everybody. “Pahingi po’ng barya,” he repeatedly said, “pangkain lang po.” But it was as if no one heard a sound except for the rumbling of the jeepney’s engine. The boy then turned to the man beside him and gestured his hand towards his mouth. “Kuya, pahingi po’ng barya; pangkain lang po.” The man stared at the boy and offered a tirade of questions instead, “Nas’an ba mga magulang mo? Sa’n ka ba nakatira? Sa’n ka ba pupunta?

Sa Feria po,” the boy calmly replied.
Eh, anong ginawa mo dito?
Naligo po.”
The man chuckled. “Eh, ang layo naman ng paliguan mo.
Wala po kaming tubig,” the boy answered softly.

The jeep then stopped at the hand wave of a woman from afar. School kids, who just got dismissed from class, boarded together with parents, siblings, and guardians. The boy moved to give space for seat. One kid sat holding a cup of ice scamble, carefully mixing in the powdered milk on top. Another was asking for money as she sat on her mother’s lap. This boy was just still.

Someone hailed the jeep and so again it stopped. And out of nowhere, the boy jumped out and left like how he boarded – running.

Jun. 16th, 2011

An open letter to ex

Dear ex,

Let’s admit it. We were so mature then that things just had to end like crap. In other words, it wasn’t a good breakup. I find it amusing that, even until now, I still find the time to write about you. In other words, I still care.

Contrary to popular belief, I’m not heartless. (Oh, if they only knew.) We tried to be friends again but, for some reason, it was just not working. We haven’t talked for a long while, but I hope you’re okay.

Yun lang.

May. 13th, 2011

etch then sneak

Sitting alone, etching to memory how this room looks like. By next week, I’ll be sitting on a different chair; using a different computer; called by a different title; trying to be familiar with new, different faces. It’s only the second time that I rolled up these window blinds. I see someone biking from a far. I doubt if I’ll even see that there.

Concerns have turned trivial. Will the AC hum the same way? Will it be as cold? Will I be able to rock my chair and lean against a wall? Can I play my mp3s as loud? Will they even allow me to play music? How will my personal space look like? And will I even have close friends that I can kid around? All of these I’ll have to find out next week. 
 


I should have told others about this yesterday. Now, they’re off to some school setting up our enrolment system – think CRS, if you’re from UP. They left without having the slightest idea. Someone jokingly said that they’ll miss our activities. Inside, I was like, “Oh hell, you will. I’d be gone when you come back.” Ignorance is bliss.

I have a full day today. I have to/want to go to UPDS’ victory party and UADC pre-tourney contingent dinner. I’d have to go Alfha’s birthday celebration. And I have to finally say good bye to some friends that I missed yesterday. The last one is the most stressful. I have to say good bye. Tonghenayan. 

Today, I’ll be leaving every file and equipment that they gave me and will be taking everything that I left. But, just a secret: I’m sneaking out one thing – memories. 

May. 11th, 2011

'Killer Love' yung title ng album.

I still don’t know how to write Nicole’s surname without Google – Scherzinger. Ako na ang feeling close. Anyways, that’s not what I’m going to talk about. I’m leaving this Friday for a fresh start. I’ll make kwento soon once I cross over. Orte orte? ‘Make kwento’ amp. Ano ba yan? Ang gulo.

But seriously, I’m leaving this Friday. Not too many people know that I am. I told a friend that I wanted to surprise friends and officemates – to break the news before this week ends. But she told me that that’s rude. Ang sabi ko naman sa kanya, “Sige nga. How do you say good bye?”

In hindsight, I was asking the wrong the question. I never wanted to say good bye. ‘I’ll see you around,’ I think, is more appropriate. I’ll be leaving good friends behind. Why would I ever say good bye? Bahala na. I’ll be dropping by the office tomorrow to get my stuff. That’s going to heartbreaking.

At the same time, I’m excited to try new things. That’s the reason why I’m leaving, by the way. I felt boxed and wanted to spend my time wisely – to grow and know where I should be at this point in my life. (S’yempre feeling ko jinudge n’yo nanaman ako sa rason ko. Ang orte orte naman n’ya la la la.)

So, yun lang for now. At habang hinihintay ko dumating ang Friday, nakikinig muna ako sa bagong album ni Nicole (highlight, copy, paste) Scherzinger. Hongondoh.

Apr. 8th, 2011

Sa pagiging tunay na magulang

Bilang magulang, minsan ka rin naging anak. Kaya kung anak lang s’ya, anak ka lang din. At bilang magulang, tanggapin mong ‘di ka perpekto, marami ka pa ring hindi alam. Tao ka lang; tao lang din yung anak mo. At sa mga pagkakataong nagkamali ka, kahit bilang magulang, aminin mong nagkamali ka. Hindi yung isinisisi mo sa anak mong wala namang kinalaman sa mga maling desisyong pinili mong panindigan.

Bilang magulang, inaasahan ng mundo na may mga natutunan ka sa buhay. Kaya kung hindi mo kayang umako ng pagkakamali; kung hindi mo kayang itama ang sarili mo; kung hindi mo kayang rumespeto ng ibang tao; kung ‘di mo kayang panindigan ang buhay na pinili mo; kung lahat ng anak ay anak lang sa paningin mo, hindi ka dapat naging magulang. Dinadaya mo yang anak mo. Ginugulang mo s’ya. Hindi ka mabuting ehemplo. Sa ganyang aspeto, tunay ka ngang magulang.

Mar. 26th, 2011

Sentiō*

A friend listed his favorite sounds in a post. T'was a cool idea, so I made my own.
 

  • The splash against calm water.
  • The sound of the wind threading through the trees and the whisper leaves leave in reply.
  • The rain’s repetitive taps on the ground – both the soft and the heavy.
  • The ticking clock slicing silence.
  • The stomach grumbling and the mysterious burp that comes afterwards.
  • The keyboard in rush, clunking and the complimentary mouse clicks.
  • The cracking joints in chorus.
  • The symphony of your friends’ laughter.
  • The gushing air of relief.
  • And even the absence of sound known as silence.

 

*Thanks Boaz for the title.

 

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